Juliette

It has been 4 years since Ashley’s death and 2 years since Banjo’s. Instead of rushing in to adopt another cat I needed to help me. Be there for me. It has been a ride figuring out and letting all my feelings out that I felt about their deaths.

It has been hard to deal with both deaths, though Ashley’s was easier because I had adopted Banjo 3 months after her death. I guess it was hard because I loved them both that much. And they gave lots back to me.

I’ve had some time to work on myself, get myself through it all and process their deaths that now I’ve adopted a kitten.

I have loved Ashley and Banjo that much that I wished I had them since they were born, but now I have Juliette and I’m keeping her until her last breath–or mine–whichever is first. Hopefully hers and that means 14 years, at least, with her.

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Banjo’s Birthday: December 22

Whoever owned Banjo before me had the best Christmas present ever–and arriving 3 days before Christmas.

3 is a good luck number, to me.

Happy Birthday, Banjo!

 

Thank You

Thank you, Ashley and Banjo. You have been the best of what is love on Earth.

Ashley, you were the first to give true love. D-Day October 30, 2016.

 

And, you, Banjo had given me so much love. What comes around goes around. Once, I said to Ashley, “I’ll love you so much that you’ll get sick of me.” Banjo, you had given me so much love and affection–so much that sometimes I’d wanted to tell you to stop! But I didn’t because it was my traumatic past reminding me. There was no real love back then. I deserve to be truly loved for all that I am and so I let you love me and to give me as much affection as you wanted. Sometimes you slept in the crook of my left arm all night. You gave me so many awesome days. Banjo’s D-Day: August 16, 2018.

Ashley and Banjo, my babies forever. You had always been, and will always be God’s creatures. I know He is taking care of you now.

You both had brought me from Hell/WarZone to living in happiness while you were with me. The memories of you will remain in me, and so, too, will the happiness you both gave to me.

Thank you, forever.

“I Will Always Remember You”

October 30, 2016. Pause.

Summer of 2015 I walked through Room T of the Toronto Humane Society. Looking around the room. Ashley followed my steps as much as she could in her cage. A friend told me how I can tell when a cat likes me. I knew Ashley did. She walked back and forth as I was doing. And just so that it wasn’t a fluke or the trick of my mind I walked towards the door and then towards her. No coincidence. She really liked me.

I took her home the same day. Needed to buy stuff for her–minus the vet approved food. I didn’t care that she was a senior kitty at 12 years or that she had behavioural issues–pooping outside the litter box, vomiting. This would soon become an issue of quality of life.

First night she hid. The next morning I freaked out. Thought she escaped somehow. But she hid in the bookcase in my bedroom. I know what you’re thinking. But my mind was on the worst case scenario. She was okay. All was fine. A week later she escaped home and I found her on the roof! Needed a roommate to hold my legs so that I don’t fall face first while picking up Ashley. Gave her lots of kisses this day. And many days since.

Three months. November 2015 she was diagnosed with small cell lymphoma of the small intestines. The meds worked for several months. Every three months she got a blood count check. From here and several months later, pictures of her, videos of me singing

“Ashley is mama’s good little girl
Ashley is mama’s good little girl
Ashley…you will forever be mama’s good little girl.”

Each day was a day of love, me holding her, playing with her. Her nick name was Bingy. No regrets. Just wish I had more Earth time with her. 14 months was pretty good. And glad I had her. Else I would never have loved another. Never truly loved for me.

It’s a Russian Blue thing. Once they find that one person they love them forever. That’s the greatest gift anyone can ever get!

October 30, 2016 . The week leading to this day Ashley was getting sick. No appetite. Hepatic Lipidosis. Feeding via tibe was no quality of life.

October 30, 2016. 3pm. I did the most compassionate thing even though personally this choice is still nightmarish for me.

Ashley, mama hasn’t forgotten you. I have another cat. One day you’ll meet him in Heaven with God then when I leave here I’ll be coming for you and Banjo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4-UhuFIiag

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIJwMaoZi90

The last video is a fave. She usually talks like a human baby when he/she “gagas”. I think it’s cute. And she may not be friendly to most people and I understand why. She’s been with one human for 12 years. Dumped at the Toronto Humane Society. Someone tried to adopt her. Didn’t work out. I made it work. Gentle. And I’m not known to be gentle. And I didn’t have the capacity to love until Ashley. Room T. Lucky Ashley. Mostly lucky mama (me).

October 30, 2017 marks the one year anniversary of Ashley’s D-Day. I think I’m still in the grieving stage but I’m still able to go on living.

Cats Saying, “I Love My Mama!”

Pictures say a thousands words, don’t they?

Now…my fave moment with Ashley September 20, 2016.

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And I think that pets will love back because they’re receiving love from the humans they depend on.

Ashley and Banjo: My Babies Forever

Life lesson(s): for those that love me, and I love, I work hard, pass my mental limitations to give them a quality of life they didn’t have BM (before me) and pretty much Heaven AM (after me).

Ashley deserved a life extended so that she receives love from me and her BFF Angel. Banjo deserves a better life than he’s gotten. He deserves someone who will give him 100% attention. Pets depend on their humans for their entire life! Money is always the issue but I’m working now and don’t expect to develop a life altering illness for the next few years. Menopause is around the corner.

 

 

Cuteness Named Banjo

He loves sleeping under the blanket:

Banjo…My Baby Boy

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Banjo…my baby boy.

Three months after Ashley’s death I met you at Toronto Humane Society. You were hiding under the towel and then in the box when trying to meet with you. You were so cute then. you are still so very cute every moment I spend with you.

When an animal bring this much happiness in my life it’s worth keeping until his/her last breath.

 

 

More Firsts After 40

 

Firsts after 40: Ashley is my first love relationship.

My Family Forever

 

Both were adopted from the Toronto Humane Society. Had Ashley (right) from August 2015 until her death on October 30, 2016. Then adopted Banjo (left) towards the end of January 2017 and hope to have him until his last days.

I’ll never forget Ashley. She, as is typical of a Russian Blue cat, chose me as the person she’ll love for the end of her days. I loved and cared for her–more than anyone has ever cared for her–from the moment I brought her home until her last moments.

It’s still Family Day in Ontario. This post is dedicated to my family: Ashley and Banjo.