“I Will Always Remember You”

October 30, 2016. Pause.

Summer of 2015 I walked through Room T of the Toronto Humane Society. Looking around the room. Ashley followed my steps as much as she could in her cage. A friend told me how I can tell when a cat likes me. I knew Ashley did. She walked back and forth as I was doing. And just so that it wasn’t a fluke or the trick of my mind I walked towards the door and then towards her. No coincidence. She really liked me.

I took her home the same day. Needed to buy stuff for her–minus the vet approved food. I didn’t care that she was a senior kitty at 12 years or that she had behavioural issues–pooping outside the litter box, vomiting. This would soon become an issue of quality of life.

First night she hid. The next morning I freaked out. Thought she escaped somehow. But she hid in the bookcase in my bedroom. I know what you’re thinking. But my mind was on the worst case scenario. She was okay. All was fine. A week later she escaped home and I found her on the roof! Needed a roommate to hold my legs so that I don’t fall face first while picking up Ashley. Gave her lots of kisses this day. And many days since.

Three months. November 2015 she was diagnosed with small cell lymphoma of the small intestines. The meds worked for several months. Every three months she got a blood count check. From here and several months later, pictures of her, videos of me singing

“Ashley is mama’s good little girl
Ashley is mama’s good little girl
Ashley…you will forever be mama’s good little girl.”

Each day was a day of love, me holding her, playing with her. Her nick name was Bingy. No regrets. Just wish I had more Earth time with her. 14 months was pretty good. And glad I had her. Else I would never have loved another. Never truly loved for me.

It’s a Russian Blue thing. Once they find that one person they love them forever. That’s the greatest gift anyone can ever get!

October 30, 2016 . The week leading to this day Ashley was getting sick. No appetite. Hepatic Lipidosis. Feeding via tibe was no quality of life.

October 30, 2016. 3pm. I did the most compassionate thing even though personally this choice is still nightmarish for me.

Ashley, mama hasn’t forgotten you. I have another cat. One day you’ll meet him in Heaven with God then when I leave here I’ll be coming for you and Banjo.

 

 

 

The last video is my fave of all ones I have of Ashley. This is the part no human has ever seen of her. Too bad! Soft voice and patience helped. She usually talks like a human baby when he/she “gagas”. I think it’s cute. And she may not be friendly to most people and I understand why. She’s been with one human for 12 years. Dumped at the Toronto Humane Society. Someone tried to adopt her. Didn’t work out. I made it work. Gentle. And I’m not known to be gentle. And I didn’t have the capacity to love until Ashley. Room T. Lucky Ashley. Mostly lucky mama (me).
October 30, 2017 marks the one year anniversary of Ashley’s D-Day. I think I’m still in the grieving stage but I’m still able to go on living.
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My Babies Forever

Life lesson(s): for those that love me, and I love, I work hard, pass my mental limitations to give them a quality of life they didn’t have BM (before me) and pretty much Heaven AM (after me).

Ashley deserved a life extended so that she receives love from me and her BFF Angel. Banjo deserves a better life than he’s gotten. He deserves someone who will give him 100% attention. Pets depend on their humans for their entire life! Money is always the issue but I’m working now and don’t expect to develop a life altering illness for the next few years. Menopause is around the corner.

 

 

Thankful for Banjo

Without him I’d take longer to get over Ashley’s death. I still miss her:

ashley-happy-and-alert

I go on doing what I do every day, laugh when something is funny, bust something when something is too funny, and live without the nightmarish euthanasia at my door.

Thank you, Banjo, for being you. You are a loving cat. You give affection. You get affection back. I know in 10 years from now that your presence in my life will change me in ways that are only positive. It’s happened already.

Animals are amazing in teaching humans about love and relationships. In the end I won’t be broken anymore because of Banjo and what he does for me. Thank you God for Banjo!

Feline BFFs: Banjo and TwoCan; Ashley and Angel

Two months, it took, for TwoCan to accept that my bedroom is Banjo’s room–that it was always my bedroom and not TwoCan’s…then the talk about his choice of who he likes to spend most of his time with and that I deserve to have my own cat to take care of…here it is. Just like Angel and Ashley BFFs playing…

 

TwoCan and Banjo BFFs are play fighting.

Sometimes it feels like these pairs fight not to play but to assert dominance. Some humans play with each other the same way.