It’s My Fault Too

Self-esteem, self-care.

More time passed since the break up in the first week of March (wow I’m counting the weeks!). I have blamed him for the breakup. It was his fault, but now that I’ve had distance from him (no contact as requested by me of him) I understand now.

It’s the hardest thing to see where I have gone wrong in the relationship. I truly thought all my actions were fine. The thing is I didn’t think enough before making the move.

I asked him out without hanging out with him at the social club where we both still go to. I regret only because if I had conversations with him I would have seen that we’re not a good fit. Our values aren’t the same, our lifestyles aren’t the same, yet we both didn’t care about our values. We wanted to be together. But, looking back, I was attracted to him physically. He’s a hot-looking guy but the physical attraction I’m talking about is that he seemed to me to be someone with a sweet soul – if you can imagine what I mean here. He was opposite of what he looked like to me.

Caveat: “Don’t judge a book by its cover”

This could be a lethal mistake and there is no more me. Don’t want that. Have a lot to live for. I am having a lot of experiences in my life since leaving Hell/The War Zone.

The best thing I got from my relationship with him is awareness of myself. At the place of birth, it was truly a hellish place to live that I couldn’t even analyze what was going in the past relationships – from beginning to end. I think to myself “What a waste of time!” Now I’m happy to see where I have made a mistake.

So he isn’t The One for me. And truthfully, then, that means I’m not The One for him.

You think that this breakup has damaged me permanently? No! For a while I was sad, maybe depressed and sometimes angry, but since I have been ready to see my part in how the relationship ended I will be happy again and confident the next time I meet a man (and there will be a next time) I will have the discipline to go slow and see how things go.

I wish the ex-boyfriend to find The One soon.


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