30 Days After the Break-Up

In those 30 days since the break-up, I have been getting back to doing things I enjoyed doing before dating and to being the person I was and the person I was developing into.

Funny how that goes. Whenever I work on developing a part of myself whether it’s working on getting a higher education, to becoming a spiritual person and this time around working on all aspects of myself since I left Hell/War Zone.

During those 30 days I have kept a journal of my thoughts about everything that was going on since day 1 to d-day. D-day marks the death of a relationship. The insights I have had surprises me. One day soon I will post those ideas here with my own hand-drawn images. Or a collage.

I really don’t like it that I changed during those three months – and the change in me wasn’t at all positive. I wasn’t as friendly towards people as I was before him. This is the same problem I had when I lived at the War Zone/Hell. Looks like it found me again.

I got to thinking why some situations happen over and over again. I think maybe I wasn’t fully aware of what was happening, or I was hoping for the best because my life is different.

It’s about the choices I make and sometimes it’s not even a fault in me. I will probably meet people who will bring me to hell again and then what will I do?

Self-development includes these (from Wikipedia: Personal Development)

  • improving self-awareness
  • improving self-knowledge
  • improving or learning new skills
  • becoming a self-leader
  • building or renewing identity/self-esteem
  • developing strengths or talents
  • improving wealth
  • spiritual development
  • identifying or improving potential
  • building employability or human capital
  • enhancing lifestyle or the quality of life
  • improving health
  • fulfilling aspirations
  • initiating a life enterprise or personal autonomy
  • defining and executing personal development plans
  • improving social abilities

I think the one I’d like to work on every day is spiritual development. It’s the hardest thing for sure! Eye for an eye, not turning the other cheek. I can honestly say that my defenses go up when I feel in physical danger. I’m not the meek type. I’m Roman Catholic and attend mass almost regularly. Some times I don’t agree with the sermons, sometimes I do. And sometimes I don’t agree with what I read in the Bible. For example, the story of Adam and Eve depicts Eve as a mentally weak woman. However, I only heed what Jesus says, and in His eyes men and women are equal. So, anyone in this planet thinks otherwise, guess what? There’s someone above all of us that knows differently!

I’m not in it for the equality issues, but it’s nice to know that Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit think we’re all equals.

Can you think of groups whose works result in dividing people from God, divide people from each other (that’s hate, bigotry).

God help all parents with teenagers – especially teenagers – they are easily influenced to doing things that hurt them. Our souls are valued. I value my own. So, even if I still sin, still make mistakes (sure I’m human but that’s not the angle I’m working at) I’m working hard towards becoming the Christian I want to be. So, when hard times hit me, I will have the strength to endure them and I know that I will be able to do that because I have learned everything I need to through Jesus’ words. And all his words are for my self-protection.

I am not a teenager or young adult, but recognizing what I need to work on (and most importantly that I want to work on it), I am now working on the spiritual self. The person that easily forgives, the person who wants God in her everyday life.

In last week’s sermon, the teaching was the importance of love and relationships – and Jesus shows this when visiting his friend Lazarus.

Love and relationships – we all want that, right? But it’s challenging to keep them (i.e. the romantic ones) when there are conflicting values.

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