All men that I have dated up until now are the same in one way: they’re controlling, dominating men.
Don’t we all say that we won’t date the next person who is anything like our current ex? What if the behaviour is a common theme among so many men out there? The trait I mentioned above is learned and programmed into men for several centuries. Is there even one man out there who questions what they’ve been taught – especially in how to treat the #1 woman in their lives? Maybe it’s like 1 in a billion chance. Maybe not even that.
March 8 was International Women’s Day. For me, and I hope one day for organizations that support women, the main theme: reinforcing positive behaviour and attitudes in men. For this to occur, the community, church and the home have a responsibility to teach it and counsel men on respecting and caring for their woman. Sometimes, women (mothers, sisters and relatives) reinforce the negative attitudes in men. How? Blaming the other woman if their husband or boyfriend hits them. It’s never the wife’s fault/girlfriend’s fault if her man hits her. There is never any reason to hit a woman. A man who hits a woman has serious mental health issues. Also, men who are controlling and dominating have mental health issues. Their behaviours are irrational, their thoughts are irrational.
To the men out there, what do you think about these images?
I don’t regret the current break up. In fact, when I think about all the Control Freaks and Domineering Men I was in a relationship with, I have changed in positive ways this time. What made the difference for me was leaving Hell/War Zone. In the WarZone/Hell all the men and women in my family (siblings, parents) believe a woman sacrifices herself for her family, doesn’t own her life.
For 4 decades I battled against them – verbally. I still need time to rid the nightmares of them from my mind. It kills our soul and our minds when those that we should count on for positive support are the wolves we’ve been fighting off to keep ourselves alive – because we know one day we’ll get out of there and never look back.
I am proud of myself this time around in dating:
- I am communicative about my feelings and even though he’s upset that I want to talk about it, I am not influenced by his upset
- I ask him questions about himself (and I get a different action from him all the time or he’s silent)
- I tell him what my needs are and it has resulted in a further downspiral of the “relationship”
- I have self-confidence and self-esteem
I think it’s the latter point that has helped me open my eyes, to knowing what I want and don’t want (the “list”) in a potential mate. Believe me, it takes self-confidence and self-esteem to stand up for yourselves (addressing women).
If you’re taking care of your needs (brushing teeth, dental work, exercise, education) and the man demands so much of your time that you can’t devote even a minute of time to your needs. It’s time to move on!
If after trying to work things out, he’s still not getting it, the relationship will end. Mine ended because I’m simply not attracted to this type of man. And there are many men like this out there!
Foresight and hindsight. Someone told me I can’t know what another person is thinking. She is so right. Time will tell the truth of his character. Hopefully, the sooner I know these things about him, the sooner I will decide if I want to continue seeing him.