“If Only”: Hindsights and Foresights in Relationships

Have you ever started a thought with “If only I had known”, “If only there were signs”, “If only I knew better” after a breakup? Maybe you are a down-to-earth person, genuine, honest, accepting of the other person’s character flaws and having a positive outlook on the relationship, but just the same you are practical, logical and give time for the truth to be shown to you?

Too bad the truth about the person you’re interested in can’t be known by first glance. It all depends on the other person. Some people go into relationships as users and manipulators and they are expert at picking their victims. I bet if a user/manipulator met their match, they would see what it’s like. No, I haven’t thought about showing him what he’s like to me. I don’t operate like that. I have discussions with the boyfriend about how he’s treating me. I walked out of Hell/War Zone and I know now the kind of man I’m looking for and if the guy I’m currently dating is anything like the guys from the past, it’s time to run the other way.

Sometimes our hearts are slower to act than our minds. During the three-month relationship with the now ex-boyfriend, I have had nightmares of being attacked from behind (something I have experienced every night at the War Zone/Hell place) and have gained 10 pounds! I went into the relationship slowly. To get to know his personality. To see what he and I have in common. But especially I wanted to know that anything he told me was true. The worst thing a person can do is bide his time to break things off but in the mean time all his smiling, being nice to me, acting like at least half the boyfriend I deserve was a lie!

It is never okay to mislead someone. That’s a lie!

People could be honest about who they are. Why? Why do you want to hurt another person? There is only heartbreak. I have refused even one-day dates with guys. They were upset and nasty afterwards but I was honest. I wasn’t going to go on one-date with them to satisfy them!

The problem with dating someone is that things always go too fast. There is that “honeymoon phase” where everything is new and exciting. You can’t get enough of each other. I’m 43 years old. I don’t fall in love so fast especially during the first month of a relationship. In fact, I have been having none of the “honeymoon” feelings. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I was physically attracted to the guy and wanted to spend time with him. I just don’t believe in throwing “I love you” words so soon and so lightly. “I love you” means something big and it means that you really do love that person. So…if you use the words, why are you not acting like it? Love is about taking care of the other person when they have the flu or cold. They are first on your list, they are your #1.  You don’t push them to do errands for you when they need to be in bed relaxing.

Some people are not boyfriend/girlfriend material and they’re definitely not cut out for long-term relationships.

The first month was too much for me then the next two months were slowing down for me. That was good. It gave me a lot of time to think about my relationship with the other person. So, it was yesterday I had courage to tell him what I’m looking for in a relationship and that he hasn’t been giving it to me. That was the last time I’d have any kind of communication with him.

Sure it’s a learning experience. I hate thinking of relationships as that, but they are. I learn about me and I grow from it. Actually, even during this relationship I have grown up. I was able to voice my feelings like I never did in the past relationships. Some guys are control freaks, dominate the relationship. Women these days are smarter and wiser. If men don’t stop in their aggressive ways, there will be more singles out there. That sucks! I still believe in love and I’m still holding out that there is someone out there for me. The One. It’s hard to find The One, for anyone, isn’t it?

I wish I had the ability of foresight, though. If I can tell what the future will be for me with a guy I’m interested in, I would know whether to decline a date or go ahead with it. I don’t think you can call it foresight if after knowing someone for three months, you know what your future will be like with them. In my POV, hindsight applies to pre-dating.

foresight – knowing what the future would be like with the person you’re interested in.

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