July 29: Leaving the Warzone

Sibling rivalry is as nasty as two alliances at war. Both have differing points of view and the one who [sort of] wins the war is the one who is unreasonable, the one who will do whatever it takes to get his way thinking he’s doing the right thing.

I’ve taken care of my mother, done so many things for her that required me to grow up too fast. It was too hard for mother to learn the English language, so you can imagine I’d have to take care of the bills, talk to companies on her behalf.

And I had a childhood trauma to deal with since I was 7 years old! I was sexually molested by a priest. Told mom about it. Dad didn’t know. Mom said she didn’t tell him because she feared he’d kill the priest.

I don’t think so. About the same age of this trauma, two large dogs ran towards me. Dad gave the owner heck for scaring me off.

Until I entered high school, I had no one to help me out of my trauma.

Since high school and into college, I have seen various therapists but their skills were no match for the problems I’ve had since childhood.

Now I understand why their help was no help to me. I have the proper diagnosis now and since then have been going to group and individual therapy.

It didn’t help to have a father who was an alcoholic. Mom was and still is a passive person.

Brother (from now on I don’t call him this) has his own issues: social drinking, relationships, drugs.

My home was abusive.

I could have left home when I was 18 years old but the agency said that if my family wasn’t happy about it (which they weren’t) then they couldn’t take me out of my family home and into another home.

My life was one of misery, depression, anxiety, tension, from the age of 18 to 42.

The two things that gave me some hope of surviving all this was: anger and stubbornness.

In the last year of my staying at mom’s home, I lost 55.6 pounds. I’m proud of myself. It took me 7.5 months to lose the weight and 10 hours of physical activity each week until I reached my goal weight. I created my first blog to motivate myself, but I’ve learned things about fitness that I’ve never known of before! http://fitnessthroughwalking.wordpress.com/

In mid-February 2013 I shot a video of me 14 pounds lighter (136 pounds).than the weight goal of 150 pounds (the inspiration of my first blog “Fitness Through Walking”).

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